Investment Group to Revive Excelsior-Henderson

Indianapolis-based American Investment Partnership announced today that they will invest $100 million dollars to resurrect the exciting heritage of the revived Excelsior-Henderson brand name. Production of the new machines will begin in the fall, with a racing program starting as soon as 2009.

The new model, known as the "New New Excelsior-Henderson Super New X All New," a cruiser-styled sporty dirtbike with a small windshield and extra wheels, will harken back to the glory days of 1999, when Excelsior-Henderson motorcycles roared down America's roads in select markets in the dozens. The new machine was not shown to journalists at a mid-day press conference; rather, a troupe of dancers from Chicago's New School acted out the features of the bike in interpretive dance.

Another model, the "New E-H Heritage Classic Late 1999 Soft-o-Rigid Sporty Tour Classic Super Classic," will have an extra slathering of chrome and will include an umbrella stand made from an elephant's foot. It is slated to begin production in fall of 2011, pending development of practical, inexpensive palm-oil fuel cells.

"We want folks to remember a simpler time, when Gloria Estefan was big news and we were just starting to get sick of 'South Park'," said Rod Hurlickson, director of Old-New-New Projects at the New New Excelsior-Henderson Motor Company. "The market is ripe for a late-'90s styled retro-bike."

Industry experts believe American Investment Partnership may have paid as much as $300 for the hallowed name, although it is possible they used a coupon clipped from the Sunday Indianapolis Gazette to save $30. This type of bold business stratagem is what helped AIP gain notoriety in business circles, along with resurrecting such great names as Coleco, Pet Rock, Hupmobile, and George Peppard.